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March 27, 2003
Helpful Hints
I received the following helpful hints from a friend, but now I'm wondering just how good of a friend she really is...though I'm sorely tempted to try Hint #4.
Helpful Hint #1: If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic! Simply pour a jug of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.
Helpful Hint #2: Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away!
Helpful Hint #3: Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.
Helpful Hint #4: Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.
Helpful Hint #5: An empty aluminum cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes a wonderful inexpensive vibrator.
Helpful Hint #6: Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the toilet seat by simply pissing in the sink.
Helpful Hint #7: High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
Helpful Hint #8: A mouse trap placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
Helpful Hint #9: If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.
Posted by Rita at March 27, 2003 10:04 AM