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July 21, 2003
Advice for Arkansas Officials
As if the swarms of mosquitos that infest my neighborhood (don't want to spray evil pesticides that harm the environment!) and the push to ban smoking in restaurants (it smells bad!) weren't bad enough, now they're trying to ruin my biscuits.
Too many people are too fat — indeed, obese — and risk heart disease, stroke, kidney failure or diabetes unless they change their diet, change their exercise habits and quit smoking, the state Health Department director said.
I just have one thing to say to him: Bugger. Off. I have just about had a gutful of you ignorant people trying to run my life based on junk science....which is no more a legitimate basis for health code regulations than some watery tart is a basis for a system of government. I can use your same faulty reasoning extrapolating from badly flawed studies to reach the opposite conclusion...like this:
My grandfather ate food cooked in lard all his life....hell, he'da probably eaten batter-dipped lard sticks deep-fried in lard if Granny had cooked them. Then the "fat is bad for you" craze hit, and his doctors nagged him until they switched to cooking with corn oil and other "no-fat" delicacies. You ever eat biscuits cooked with corn oil? They're just nasty. And guess what? He died....and even worse, he died eating bad food. It didn't prolong his life, it just made the end of it more miserable. QED: Corn oil fits in that category of stuff I like to call "Shit'llkillya".
Some achievements of the 20 th century including clean water, safe food and universal immunizations added years to the life of the average Arkansan, and government regulation played a significant role in that success. But in the new century, the challenge will be to achieve healthier lifestyles without government regulation, Boozman said. "This is America.... We just aren’t going to have a law that says you can’t have French fries," he said.
Yeah right...because why stop at French fries? I'm thinking there'll also be laws against buying lard, Twinkies and Ding-Dongs and all kinds of good stuff. Why is it you stupid sonsabitches can't do something useful like get the skeeters out of my yard so I can go outside without drenching myself in DEET? I can see the day coming when instead of setting up a still, I'll be sneaking around in the woods rendering lard. And I'll do it too....skeeters or not.
Nobody is messing with my biscuits or fried chicken. Get the hell outta my kitchen....and stay out.
Posted by Rita at July 21, 2003 07:52 AM
Comments
batter-dipped lard sticks deep-fried in lard
<homer> Mmmmmmm.....lard.</homer>
Do you have a recipe for those?
Posted by: mtpolitics at July 21, 2003 09:00 AM
It does sound kinda tasty doesn't it? Maybe I should invent a recipe.
Posted by: Rita at July 21, 2003 09:14 AM
----Some achievements of the 20 th century including clean water----
Clean water? What on earth did they drink BEFORE the 20th Century???
Posted by: Tony Rosen at July 21, 2003 09:42 AM
P.E.T.A. hard at work, making a better world for us all..
Posted by: Bill at July 21, 2003 10:24 AM
Why shoot Tony, we used ta all drink from ditches and mud puddles...strictly first come, first served you know. But now we have them new-fangled faucets, just turn the handle and all that water & clo-rines just pours right out. Right handy doo-hickey that is.
Posted by: Rita at July 21, 2003 11:33 AM
And the water from them new-fangled faucets comes from where? ... at some point, a ditch and mud puddles :) ... they take "dirty" CLEAN water and add a caustic chemical to it ... what's wrong with that picture?
Posted by: Tony Rosen at July 21, 2003 11:40 AM
They can have my buttered biscuit when they pry it from my cold dead fingers.
D
Posted by: David Strain at July 21, 2003 05:12 PM
Tony, my parents still use a spring...too far out in the country for a city water system. Tastes great, much better than any bottled or treated water. Cleaner too than our water here in Fayetteville I'd wager.
David, they ain't gettin' my biscuits either. You gotta draw the line somewhere. And I double-dog dare 'em to step over that one.
Posted by: Rita at July 21, 2003 05:37 PM
One thing always, without exception, leads to another.
Thus, since it can be proven that every single murderer whose life we can review has had water, it is obvious that this dangerous drug must be eliminated from our environment.
Posted by: John Anderson at July 23, 2003 11:59 AM