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December 18, 2003
Christmas Job Hazard
Part of my shift is usually spent working the express checkout, which I like except for the stupid animated Santa & snowman that are near the exit. They have motion detectors, which means the freaking things are going nonstop the entire time I'm there.
Santa lost his voice a few weeks ago, so now he just "dances". There's just something so elementally wrong with Santa wiggling his ass as he leers at you silently while his lips move that I can't even begin to describe the weirdness. It's just creepy.
But the snowman still sings constantly. My plan is to buy the damn thing on the after-Christmas markdown sale, drive over it a few times with my car....then douse it with charcoal lighter fluid & burn it. Then I'll pick its metal voicebox out of the ashes and chop it up with my ax until there's nothing left except metallic confetti.
Why anyone would intentionally pay $50 for the bloody thing for any other reason is beyond me.
Posted by Rita at December 18, 2003 01:57 PM
Comments
I love your violence. I'm going to apply the same solution to the mariachi christmas thing that's happening across the street. In this case, it's the traditional mariachi christmas accordion that pushing me to the edge.
Posted by: kenneth at December 18, 2003 02:08 PM
I heard some of that yesterday while trying to find a radio station playing traditional Christmas music.
You have my deepest sympathy.
Posted by: Rita at December 18, 2003 02:17 PM
For some reason this whole post seemed to me like it should be from a late-80s Winona Ryder movie.
Posted by: Aaron Butler at December 18, 2003 03:46 PM
That's not very nice.
Posted by: Rita at December 18, 2003 04:09 PM
Nonsense, Winona was very respectable in the late 80s. I wanted to be clear I didn't mean Winona TODAY -- that wouldn't be nice.
Posted by: Aaron Butler at December 18, 2003 10:29 PM
Oh ok, that's different Aaron.
Teach me to be complaining...guess where I had to work most of my shift?
Yeah. About 5 ft. away from that freaking singing snowman.
Posted by: Rita at December 18, 2003 10:57 PM
You ought to give the singing snowman a swift kick in his snowballs. That'll shut him up.
Posted by: Jim - Parkway Rest Stop at December 19, 2003 10:26 PM
$50?!?!?!?!
Posted by: Da Goddess at December 20, 2003 05:59 AM
I may just do that Jim.
Not that expensive Goddess, considering it's 5 ft. tall and animated.
Posted by: Rita at December 20, 2003 07:28 AM