Res Ipsa Loquitur

1. UPN or Fox? UPN is just boring.

2. roller derby or WWE? I used to watch all the time when I was single....you guys think you're the only ones who like to watch toned & oiled bodies in skimpy get-ups? Puh-lease.

3. Loretta Lynn or Tammy Wynette? Tammy's just too whiny.

4. Tony Lama or Durango? Easy choice. Durango's are too clunky.

5. fried Spam or fried boloney? Actually not bad. Fried boloney is too slimy.

6. Buck Owens or Porter Wagoner? I can't watch Porter Wagoner without remembering what my grandpa said once. We were all watching a Porter & Dolly duet, and Grandpa said "Just look at him. He just cain't keep his hands off'n them big tits." Cracked us all up except Grandma, who gave him the devil for talking like that in front of us kids.

7. fiddle or banjo? Is there anything that can sound more lonesome? I don't think so.

8. Texas or Tennessee? I like them both.

9. Ford or Chevy? (pickup of course) We almost always had Fords....which is where I learned how to fix autos.

10. extended cab or long bed? I've never understood why you need an extended cab. If there's no room in the cab, just hop in the back.

11. Tabasco or Texas Pete's? Neither. I don't like hot sauce.

12. Saints or Cowboys? Neither. They both suck.

13. baseball cap or cowboy hat? Cowboy hats are for riding only.

14. double wide or single wide? Yes, I've lived in both....but not by preference. Even when the choice was a trailer or nowhere at all, it was still a difficult decision.

15. Wal-mart or K-mart? Duh.

16. "Your Cheatin' Heart" or "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry"? I've heard many a whippoorwill, and they do sound lonesome & blue.

17. Gunsmoke or Bonanza? I had the biggest crush on Hoss.

18. Johnny Cash or Merle Haggard? Both are good, but I like Merle better.

19. catfish or buffalo wings? Catfish, yuck. I'd just as soon eat a buzzard.

20. Charlie Daniels Band or ZZ Top? Tough one, but I sincerely believe "Legs" was written about me.

21. Velvet painting: Elvis or bullfighter? But "Dogs Playing Poker" would beat them both.

22. Plastic sunflowers or plastic flamingos? I've been dying to cover our lawn with plastic flamingos at Christmas to bug our neighbors, but Mike won't let me.

23. Lawn chairs: molded plastic or aluminum frame? Hands down winner. More comfortable and you can replace the webbing.

24. John Wayne or Clint Eastwood? Impossible to choose, though I think John Wayne would win in a fistfight.

You can take the girl out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the girl....well except for that time all of my family except me was complaining about the store's failure to include any 'light bread' with the deli tray someone had bought for our Christmas get-together. But that's another story.