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September 20, 2004

Travel Tidbits

--To the stewardess who worked the Memphis-Montego Bay flight on Thursday: We were all estatically happy that you like your modified low-carb diet so much that you could talk about it for hours in your piercing nasal voice to the guy sitting behind us. But really, we weren't that interested in how you'd found your high school sweetheart after years of searching for each other. Or in how "dangerous" it was for you two to see too much of each other now. The mental picture of you having a middle-aged fling was almost enough to make us upchuck the overpriced convenience-store type lunch you had just sold us. Though I have to admit the way you kept dropping our trash on the grossly hairy armed guy sitting next to me was a nice touch.

--To all the Jamaican hustlers swarming the street between our hotel and the beach: We appreciated your persistence and salesmanship, but we really didn't want to purchase any "smoke", cocaine or heroin. Or hookers. Or badly made handcrafts. And yes, we all laughed at your misfortune when the police hauled you all off that one day.

--To the hotel staff: There's really nothing like an ice-cold shower first thing in the morning, is there? It makes for such an interesting challenge when one attempts to shave one's legs. Imagine our surprise at your thoughtfulness on our first morning there. And also a big thank you for limiting our tv viewing to multiple South Asian channels, the History Channel and the Weather Channel. We certainly don't know how you knew that out of our entire group, we were the only people who didn't want to see CNN or any of the other ka-jillion satellite channels available at your fine establishment. Probably the same way you knew we were the only ones who wanted a room without a balcony, conveniently located next to the laundry room.

And thank your wait staff for teaching me that "just a little bit of milk" means half a tea cup full. Really, I should learn to appreciate tea-flavored milk more. Also, I should apologize for irritating the waiter by my inability to hear his soft murmurs over the din of the elderly lady who was so enthusiastically butchering Cole Porter tunes on the piano next to our table that one night. I wasn't really going to stab him with my butter knife for his utter rudeness. I only thought about it for a few brief minutes.

Finally, we really enjoyed all those sweat-drenched hours waiting for the maintenance guy to come up and locate that secret second switch that controlled the air conditioner and that was so cleverly hidden behind the tv cabinet. We never even thought of looking for it there, and it was really nice of housekeeping to use it to turn off the air conditioner every time we left the room. We really enjoyed the opportunity it gave us to sit outside in the mosquito filled tropical evening while soaked with sweat and desperately pray for the sea breeze strong enough to make it into the walled courtyard.

We will certainly remember all your thoughful gestures when we are considering another trip to Jamaica.

As you kept telling us, "Ya mon, no problem."

Posted by Rita at September 20, 2004 08:31 AM

Comments

Posted by: Keith at September 20, 2004 11:34 AM

Posted by: Jim at September 20, 2004 02:03 PM

Posted by: Craig at September 20, 2004 03:08 PM

Posted by: rita at September 21, 2004 08:19 AM

Posted by: Bill at September 22, 2004 02:13 PM