Res Ipsa Loquitur

One way to keep your sanity while working the help desk:

Customer: "You stupid blah, blah, blah, I just deleted my Windows directory and now your internet won't download. What kind of crap are you blah, blah, blahs peddling here. (Insert extended, clue-free rant here.)"

You: "Hmmmm....hold on one minute while I check on something. Can you hold please?"

Customer: Curse.

You: Mute phone. (Insert extended rant against stupid customer here, speculating wildly about his mother's, um, proclivity for taking on many different bed partners, not necessarily of the same species.) Un-mute phone. "Sir, do you have your Windows install disk?"

Customer: "What is a Windows install disk?"

You: Mute phone, lather, rinse, repeat.

The only caveat is this: Make *darn* sure your phone is muted!

Dora has nothing on Hey Franklin and Noggin. And then there's Rugrats and Little Bill. Nauseating drivel the lot of it. And have you been assaulted by the Wiggles? Jees.

Help desks aren't as bad they sound. You get the usual idiots but occasionally a really meaty problem comes in and if you're so wired, working out a solution is very gratifying. Admittedly, my experience was working for an OEM software company not in an IS department which probably makes a big difference.

Heh. I've heard some great stories about that Craig.

Andy, he's pretty much outgrown the Wiggles thank goodness. Doesn't like Franklin either, occasionally watches Little Bill. Likes the Rugrats though, and came running into the office yesterday yelling about "I scared! Monster under Chuckie's bed!"

Working the kids' tech problems by phone or by IM is kinda fun...I generally enjoy solving puzzles. And my daughter's one of those users whom you should always first ask if the CPU's plugged in & powered, or if the cap lock is on.

I worked with a fella that was a master of the mute button...

"Hello, How can I help you? [mute] Oh god, it's that same stupid b*stard that keeps deleting his system files because he never uses any dll files [/mute] OK, if you will look in your top desk drawer I think you will find the install CD [mute] right where you had it that last time you deleted c:\windows\system23\*.* /s you moronic loser [/mute] yeah, the silver one with the windows logo [mute] but you can try to restore your system from The Captain and Tennile's Greatest Hits if you want you freak [/mute] ...

My dog is certain that she is the only reason we have food, no matter who brings it in the door.

Kenneth, that's exactly what our cat thinks.

I'm a great hunter - or so my dogs think.

My cats just think I'm stupid because I will trade them som great tasting cat food for a dead, torn-to-pieces mouse. The cats must be thinking "God, the mouse was just fun, not even good enough for me to eat. And she is trading this awesome tuna feast for it. Glad I don't have to eat her cooking!"