Res Ipsa Loquitur

If your NW ARK map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If you're in Rogers or Bentonville and your map is one day old, then it is already obsolete.

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. NW ARK has its own version of traffic rules.

All directions start with "Get on 540" which has no beginning and no end. Everything in NW ARK is "just off 540 or 71B."

The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

Construction on 540 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.

All unexpected or strange sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Lowell."

If someone actually has a turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.

All old ladies with blue hair in tank cars have the right of way.
PERIOD.

Highway 540 in rush hour is the NWA equivalent of NASCAR. Just shut up and drive like the rest of us.

The minimum acceptable speed on 540 is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.

If it's 90 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend. If it's 10 degrees and snowing, it's homecoming at U of A. If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, and it's a Saturday, it's opening day for garage sales.

If it is fall Bikes, Blues and BBQ is going on everywhere at all times.

All parks, stadiums, arenas, airports, etc., are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.

With these simple rules in mind, you are now ready to drive in NW ARK.

Please try and keep up.