Res Ipsa Loquitur

Status Report

A trip to the doctor, antibiotics, and some kind of killer cough concoction later, and I'm vaguely back among the living. Oh, and a lecture about how steriods suppress symptoms as well as immune systems so next time I should call the doctor sooner rather than later when I start feeling sick....because by the time I start feeling sick, I'm actually well on my way to being seriously ill.

Anyway, I'm feeling better this morning, assisted no doubt in part by this.....which I specifically asked my husband not to buy for me but he did anyway.

Ok, so I'm not too mad at him.

Everybody's a Comedian

A couple of highlights from the holidays: We were all sitting around my parents' dinner table talking when my daughter mentioned that she needed to leave soon. Seems she discovered on the drive down that one of her car headlights was out so she wanted to get home before it started getting dark. My sister, who's the clerk for the local traffic court judge, told her "Well, if you get stopped by the state trooper, just tell him your aunt said he couldn't give you a ticket."

"Rilly?" my daughter said. "Sweet!"

"Yeah," my sis continued. "You know what'll happen then?"

"Sure," said my daughter. "Then he won't give me ticket."

"No," my sis laughed. "Then he'll give you two."

My daughter didn't think that was too funny, but the rest of us sure did.

Then yesterday I was taking WildChild back to his mom's down in Van Buren. Once we came over the mountain & down into the river valley, my ears stopped up because of the altitude change & this stupid cold. WildChild said something that I didn't quite catch so I said "Sorry honey, my ears are stopped up. I didn't hear what you just said." He was having much the same problem, so he said "Huh?"

I repeated it louder "I said I couldn't hear what you said."

He yelled as loudly as he could "HUH?"

A regular Abbott & Costello we are.

Merry Christmas To All!

Lord, I'm so full I'm about to pop. We had fried turkey, smoked turkey, ribs, baked ham, deviled eggs, armadillo eggs, broccoli casserole, cheddar potato casserole, dressing, brown beans, green beans, corn, gravy and monkey bread.

For dessert there was raisin pie, pumpkin pie, chocolate pie, carrot cake, two kinds of fudge, chocolate bonbons (with cherries & without), chocolate haystacks, cinnamon rolls, chocolate rolls, fruitcake. And I'm sure I'm probably forgetting half of it.

As soon as I can get WildChild in bed, 'Santa' presents out, and the Christmas stockings filled, I'm crawling off to bed....cuz I am as sick as a damn dog. The Christmas cold is turning into bronchitis.

Ho ho *hack* *cough* *gag* To hell with it.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas Eve!

I must've been a very, very good girl this year. Yesterday Santa Baby brought me this, which I took for a spin around the yard, AND this, which I haven't had time to try yet. An embarrassment of riches you might say.

Especially on top of the new range we'd gotten....which combined with actually having a dishwasher & garbage disposal made this year's holiday baking a breeze. I told Mike last night I felt positively decadent....and not nearly so exhausted.

Speaking of baking, the fatal attraction of my carrot cake continues. I thought it was safe this year since Sassy stayed outside until the icing was set & I could cover it with plastic wrap. Wrong. We were sitting in the living room last night watching tv when I heard a rustling in the kitchen, followed by a loud thump of a cat hitting the floor. Smokey had discovered the carrot cake. Fortunately he'd only managed to chew on the plastic wrap before falling off the countertop. The cake is now safely stored away in the cabinet. I wouldn't have thought he would be interested because cats generally don't like sweets. Must be the cream cheese in the frosting.

We'll be off to my parents' in a few hours to celebrate Christmas with them. Christmas Eve is kinda depressing really. I used to always spend the day visiting my grandparents. But my dad's parents, whom I adored, are gone. And my mom's bunch, who put the D in dysfunctional, are largely gone, with the exception of my senile grandmother who is usually not sure what day it is.

But we've WildChild to keep us entertained. Like the other day, when he told me a long, involved story about a king....who was a bad king because he hated Christmas. He hated Christmas, you see, because he had to be Santa Claus and he didn't like kids.

Sometimes I wonder where he comes up with this stuff.

Sign of the Times

There's a Tyson plant not far from our house that recently closed. They made frozen dinners I think. Anyway, as I was taking Mike back to work after lunch just now, I noticed a couple of new signs hanging on their chain link fence:

NO AMMONIA ON SITE

That's just sad that those are necessary.

Freaking tweakers.

Carrying Cobs

I was reminded of that phrase while talking to my sis last night. It means, for all you non-hillbillies, to wait on someone 'hand and foot'....to the extreme. As in bringing corncobs to the outhouse for them. It's usually used in the negative, i.e., "I ain't a-carryin' cobs for you".

Why was I reminded of this? Well, my mom is scheduled to have hip replacement surgery on Jan. 3rd. It's become apparent that she has the idea that afterwards she will be a helpless invalid....and even more apparent that she's looking forward to having us all at her beck and call. Example: my sis was checking with her about the arrangements for a home health nurse, who will be needed to help her with physical therapy until she is able to make the drive to town for therapy. (My parents live way out in the boonies BTW) My mom started telling my sis that the nurse would also be needed to change her dressing, give her a bath, cook, clean & do laundry.

My sis was like WTH? There's not going to be anything wrong with her arms.

We fear my mom is in for a rude awakening because in fact, her doctor will instruct her to get up & move around as much as possible. We already have tried to acquaint her with reality, but she isn't buying it. Once my mom gets an idea in her head, it's damn near impossible to convince her otherwise.....like the way she's still is convinced that somehow my computer is connected to my cell phone.

But I think tomorrow while we're down there for Christmas I'll give it one more try. I'm going to tell her, as bluntly as possible, that she's not going to need anyone to carry cobs for her.

And that's just the way it is.

Nice

Wow, holiday baking goes so much faster when one can cook more than 1 pie at a time.....in an oven on which everything works.

• 2 chocolate pies: done.
  
• 1 disgusting raisin pie for my dad: done.
  
• 2 pumpkin pies are in the oven.

That's it for today. Sweet.

The carrot cake I'll bake tomorrow so Mike can make the icing because his is is much better than mine. I'll also throw together some coleslaw tomorrow night and I'll be done.

I think I love our new range almost as much as I do the dishwasher....which is a lot.

Christmas Cold

Nothing like a cold for Christmas--it's the gift that keeps on giving. Seems like everyone is getting whatever this crud is, and I'm no exception. WildChild had it when I picked him up Friday.....therefore I'm fairly certain he's the source of my infection.

Damn kids!

But it didn't slow either of us down too much when he went out to ride his new bike yesterday. There's an old railroad bed up the street from us, and he was having a blast coasting down the side of it. We quickly worked out a routine too.....I'd stand about halfway up the bank, grab the back of his seat as he rode by to give him a boost over the top. Then I'd help him turn his bike around, wipe his nose which was running like a sieve and back down the little slope he'd go. Wheeee!!!! he kept yelling.

I'm just glad the wind was cold or we would probably still be out there.

Too Cute

Usually these two fight over who gets the heating vent, but for just a little while, they decided to share.

It didn't last long, but it was too cute while it did.

Good Luck With All That

I haven't said much about the wiretapping/torture etc. kerfuffle because I really don't have much interesting to say. We're listening to international calls from suspected terrorists? I would certainly hope so. We 'tortured' captives to get information? Depending on the circumstances, I don't have much of a problem with that either. But you know, it's just driven some people off the deep end. Like this, which is perfectly ridiculous. (link via Fark)

Ranking House Judiciary Democrat Rep. John Conyers (D-MI) has introduced a motion to censure President Bush and Vice President Cheney for providing misleading information to Congress in advance of the Iraq war, failing to respond to written questions and potential violations of international law, RAW STORY has learned.

The resolutions were quietly introduced Sunday evening along with a third resolution (HR 635) to create a Select Committee to investigate the administration’s intent to go to war prior to congressional authorization. The committee would also be charged with examining manipulation of pre-war intelligence, thwarting Congressional oversight and retaliatory attacks against critics. As part of this resolution, House Judiciary Democrats seek also to explore violations of international law as pertaining to detainee abuse and torture of prisoners of war.

There's links there to the text of each resolution, so you can read them for a good laugh.

Can we say "gonna die in committee"?

Like duh, dude.

Waiting for Da Stove

So far my exciting morning has been watching it snow and waiting for the delivery of our new gas range. And the snow is melting almost as fast as it's falling, which isn't all that exciting except for the mud & muck everyone is tracking in. What a mess.

The new gas range is more exciting, or it will be when Mike gets it hooked up. It's replacing a perfectly good electric range, which we both hate. I've never liked cooking on an electric range. When I turn a burner off, I want the damn thing to go completely off. And I'd hate to tell you how many fires I've started because I absent-mindedly turned on the wrong burner....and didn't notice until the smoke and/or flames started.

I can't wait to get the new one hooked up...especially since I have 2 pumpkin pies, 2 chocolate pies & a raisin pie to bake by Saturday morning. Oh, and a carrot cake too.

Not to mention (hopefully) getting a big box for WildChild to play in all afternoon.

I just wish they'd hurry up & get here.

Whaddya Mean?

Apparently I'm some new kind of freak. That's me alright....cutting edge....always ahead of my time.

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational. Cultural Creative 75% Romanticist 63% Postmodernist 56% Idealist 31% Fundamentalist 25% Existentialist 25% Modernist 13% Materialist 13% What is Your World View? (updated) created with QuizFarm.com

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

Not wanting to sacrifice our ornaments to Mr. Kitty, I decided to get WildChild to help me make a few decorations for our tree. Besides, a busy child is a happy child....and doesn't have time to whine.

Here's the result, complete with a red alligator on the lower left. I'm not sure why the Christmas tree needed an alligator, but it got one anyway. He was also working on a yellow giraffe, but got sidetracked by a Popeye cartoon.

Maybe later.

Bah, Humbug

Since we had a convergence of our bi-monthly stock-up, weekly grocery AND the remainder of our Christmas shopping, we did a marathon shopping session yesterday. WildChild, who's spending a week with us, wisely opted to go spend the night with my daughter because, he said, shopping is boring.

Heh. Indeed. And annoying too. Within 5 minutes of starting, I was wishing I had a cartload of this. Oy. The world is full of idiots. And rude, clueless ones at that. I was sorely tempted more than once to turn around to yet another moron who was breathing down my neck and go "Look stupid. Since my extremely obvious limp isn't giving you a clue lemme spell it out for you. This is as fast as I can walk. I'm sorry that isn't fast enough for your bad, important self, but perhaps you'd like to go around me, proceed with your shopping and get off my freaking ass. Cuz you crowding up behind isn't going to make me move any faster, it's just pissing me off. While I may be semi-disabled, I still have one good arm....and as close as you are standing I am perfectly capable of backhanding you into the middle of next week." But I figured if they were that damn dumb, I didn't want to waste my breath.

Very frustrating.

Ay, Caramba!

This is just begging for a caption.

Best Christmas Card Ever

Well, ok it was what was inside the card:

an ultrasound photo of our new grandbaby.

I just wish I was better at interpreting those. So far I've been able to make out 2 little legs and an arm. I'm assuming the remaining blurry blobs are its body & head. The doctor claims there's a 70% chance it's a girl.....though how he can tell from that photo I'll never know.

I guess we'll find out for sure in March.

Thursday Pet Blogging

Haven't had the chance to do one of these in a while, so without further ado I give you:

Happy Kitty

Sad Pug

Fayetteville Arena Football

Fayetteville is getting a NIFL expansion team next spring, the Arkansas Stars. They will be playing 7 games at the Randal Tyson Track Center.

Could I care any less?

I think not.

State Bond Issues Fail

Both of our state bond issues have failed. Matt's got the details. I don't have much to add except well, duh. Did our Rev. Gov. really believe we were going to pass a likely unconstitutional $575M perpetual blank check for the Hwy. Commission? We may be ignorant hillbillies, but we ain't stupid.

And speaking of stupid, check out the Rev. Gov.'s latest bright idea.

A statewide ban on smoking in the workplace.

Nothing more sanctimonious than a reformed prositute, is there? You know, I'm happy our Rev. Gov. lost all that weight & stopped smoking. But he has no business forcing his lifestyle choices on the rest of us. The "No Child With a Big Behind" program which removed 'junk' food from schools was bad enough. BTW, you know why kids are fat? They don't get any exercise at school because they aren't allowed to run and play. Someone might get hurt or damage their self-esteem. And they don't get any exercise at home because both parents are working so there's no one at home to supervise them outside. It has nothing to do with having cokes & candy at school.

And it ain't exactly rocket science to figure that out either.

Dear Santa

I have been a very good gurl. Pleaz leave one of these bad boys** in my stocking. And bullets.

Lots and Lots of bullets.

love,
Rita

Story here. Link via Fark

Someone Up There Likes Her

This is one lucky girl.

Her story is one of survival. Just two months ago, Shayna Richardson, 21, of Joplin, Missouri faced certain death when during a skydiving adventure her parachute and reserve shoot [sic] failed above Siloam Springs.

She survived....but that's not the most amazing part.

While undergoing treatment, doctors discover Richardson is not the only skydiving survivor.

Richardson says she never would have jumped had she known she was pregnant.

The baby, I'm happy to say, not only survived the mom's belly-first 50 mph landing on an asphalt parking lot, but appears to be developing just fine. A medical fund has been established in her hometown of Ash Grove, Missouri. If you'd like to help out, call (417)-672-2572 or mail to:

Bank of Ash Grove
Shayna Richardson Medical Fund
Highway 160
Ash Grove, MO 65604

Or Santa will leave a lump of coal in your stocking.

Elvis Bird Search

The search is back on in southern Arkansas for the ivory-billed woodpecker.

This is the first winter searching season since the ivory-bill's media splash in April. Back then, bird experts were at pains to describe the magnitude of the discovery. The Audubon Society's senior ornithologist, Frank Gill, said then, "It's kind of like finding Elvis."

The woodpecker's appearance is so striking it has earned the nickname the "Lord God" bird, because people would exclaim, "Lord God what a woodpecker" on first spotting one.

If they can find one's nest, the first thing they'll do is close off the entire area......gotta protect it from Bubba ya know. But they say they "plan to work closely with local communities to avoid cramping their style." Whatever that means. However, so far there's apparently not been many problems with the locals.

Signs describing the ivory-bill have weathered well in Arkansas, Andrew said. "We have signs that were put up in April that have not one bullet hole in them -- which is a reflection, I think, of the community's reaction to the bird."

Heh. Yeah it is. And probably one of the best indicators there is. You know, back in my day, we didn't shoot at signs so much (I was raised better than to waste a bullet on something I couldn't eat). We busted pop bottles on them by the thousands though. My BIL was an expert. He & I used to deliver ice together, and when I'd doze off on a long run, he'd pitch a pop bottle out of the driver's side window....over the cab of the truck....and hit a sign just as it passed by my open window. Scared the crap out of me every time.

But alas, glass pop bottles are a rare thing these days. So what's a Bubba to do but shoot the road signs?

Unintended consequences will get you every time.

Perv Couple Dead

A Rogers couple recently arrested on multiple child pr0n charges has apparently committed suicide.

Joe Billy Canoy, 41, and Shawna Canoy, 32, of 2310 W. Beech St. were discovered dead in their pickup at about 5 p.m. by an acquaintance who was checking on them, said Cpl. Kelley Cradduck of the Rogers Police Department. Cradduck said the couple had apparently died of carbon monoxide poisoning and no foul play was suspected.

At least they did one thing right in their sorry, misbegotten lives.

Ready For HIs Close-Up

Our good neighbor Matt will make his talk radio debut at 6:30 CST tonight. You can listen live here or here.

You can call in at: 1-888-521-5729.

Wrong White House

The Arkansas man recently arrested for climbing the White House fence was a bit.....confused.

A court-ordered mental report on 29-year-old Shawn Cox of Mammoth Spring says he believed that Chelsea Clinton still lived at the White House, and that he was destined to marry her.

IMHO, anyone who would willingly take on THAT mother-in-law has got to be crazy.

Not So Perfect

I spent most of yesterday updating my daughter's computer....like applying over 20 critical Microsoft patches for one. And updating her WordPerfect to the latest service pack. Which is why it took most of the day.

Now I know why sys adms hate Word Perfect.

It wouldn't allow me to update. I registered her copy of it. It still won't let me update. It wants the CD, which of course I don't have. I have my daughter bring it over. It still won't let me update. It keeps telling me I don't have a valid copy. Now since I'm using the software which came with her computer, I know that's not correct.

I do a repair install. Still no update. I do a re-install. Still no update. I reboot. No update. Finally, before I resort to stabbing it with my letter opener, I try copying the file it wants from the CD and pasting it in the My Documents folder, which was where it kept looking for it.

Bingo! That worked. Then it wanted a couple more files. I copy & paste them in My Documents. The bloody thing finally updated. Why it wouldn't read the files off the CD after it told me to use the CD I don't know.

Stupid POS. And the two cats fighting over which was going to sit in my lap plus the pug constantly under my feet weren't helping.

At all.

The Big Chill

It's headed our way, or so the forecast says. Though I want to know what happened to my 4-6 inches of snow they were forecasting this morning. 1-3 inches is not enough snow to even mess with. At any rate, it's supposed to turn blue-butt cold, lows in the single digits. So I took advantage of the (relatively) balmy 39 degrees today to do a little Christmas shopping and hang some lights.

I've also changed the Weather Pixie on the sidebar because a) we live in Bentonville now, not Fayette-nam and b) that girl needed to get some damn clothes on because she was freezing me to death to look at her.

Baby it's cold outside.

Abuse Victim Dies

The elderly lady I posted about previously has died. Her son, who's in jail on felony adult abuse charges, may now be facing murder charges. As well he should, if the allegations are true. And DHS, who'd visited in early November 'investigating' a complaint of abuse, has some explaining to do as well.

This didn't happen overnight you know.

Parade Til You Puke

WildChild got up this morning while I was walking Sollie. And he neglected to tell anyone that he'd gotten sick when he first woke up. So I didn't realize he had a stomach bug until he barfed again. On the white carpet. Then I got suspicious & looked in his room. Let's just say he didn't get much on the bed, but OMG the slide.

Poor little guy. He's been sick all day. But he managed to hold it together long enough to see the parade. That made him feel better he said....especially the pugs AND he got to see Santa. And since we were alongside the street at the beginning of the parade, he got lots of candy AND a new cap. He didn't feel well enough to be too interested in either, but he will later I'm sure. He insisted on spending the night with my daughter after the parade. I just checked on him and he's feeling a little better but is still not up to par yet.

Now I just hope the rest of us don't catch it.

Just Never Know

My daddy always says you just never know about people. And there's a couple of examples in today's local news. First, about a block or so & around the corner from us, a man has been arrested for what local police call "one of the worst cases of adult abuse they've ever seen". More details here if you can stomach them. It's that bad.

Then there's this:

Michael Fortino has appeared on the Tonight Show, the Today Show, even with dignitaries such as former President Bush. But his latest appearance has been in the Washington County Jail...

A nationally known motivational speaker seen with George H.W. Bush and Jay Leno was arrested for possessing child pornography in Fayetteville.

He was in town to give a speech, you see, and his laptop malfunctioned. And when the good techs at Best Buy saw what was on it, they called police. As well they should've.

Fayetteville police said Fortino first denied the charges claiming a computer virus made the images appear.

Uh, yeah. Lemme know how that works out for you. He must think we're a bunch of hicks around here, instead of the tech mecca of the South that we are. And as he'll find out, we take a dim view of freaking perverts.

It just goes to show that no matter what pleasant face someone puts on to meet the faces they meet, you've really no idea what they're like in private.

Sometimes it's better that way. Otherwise you become a cynic hyper-realist like me.

Holiday Spirits

If you haven't seen this yet, it's pretty cool. So's this. (Links via Snopes)

We haven't gotten around to putting up our lights yet, or much else other than the wreath on the door. I'm thinking about putting a tree up on the porch since I know better than to try to have one inside. I'm sure the new kitten would lurve to have a new climbing toy, but.....no. May even look into buying a live one, since I'm wanting to plant an evergreen in the front anyway.

I'm having a hard time getting into the Christmas mood this year. But we're taking WildChild to the Christmas parade tomorrow, so maybe that'll help. The parade should be great, they've had 66 entries so far.

Nothing like seeing pugs on parade to boost your holiday spirits, right?

Highway Funnies

Saw the funniest thing while driving to Fayetteville this morning. A pickup full of road workers was parked on the shoulder. As I approached, one of the workers, carrying a weed eater, jumped onto the lowered tailgate. As the truck took off, the guy slide right off the tailgate and landed flat on his ass....never turning loose of the weed eater. I couldn't help it; I just had to laugh. At least I didn't honk & point.

There was also a bad wreck on I-540 this morning, which wasn't funny since the driver was killed. But the video clip of the people trying to round up the numerous 400+lb. escaped hogs sure is. Go check it out.

Soooo-ie!