I'm home today under doctor's orders....nothing major, just a case of highly contagious considerably uncomfortable conjunctivitis. And in honor of the unexpected time to post, I give you today's Return of the Presbyterian Ninjas!:
At 5: 37 p. m. Saturday, Margie Bowman at 807 S. E. 14 th St. reported a man was hiding in the bushes at First Christian Church saying something was trying to kill him.
They're everywhere, I tell you.
We definitely have our share of loonies:
“ 9-11 was an inside job, ” was scrawled in silver spray paint on the front window and bricks of the main Courthouse at 102 N. E. A St., Friday night or early Saturday morning. The same message was written on the front wall of the Courthouse Annex at 201 N. E. 2 nd St.
Don't they know that's just what the J00s want them to think?
Sheesh people, get with the program.
WildChild's dad & stepmom sent him a Pokemon game for his GameBoy, which he loves. Apparently you name your character at the start of the game, and well.....he named his 'Ash'. Or so I thought, even though it sounded suspiciously like he was saying 'Ass' when he was talking about it. Hilarity promptly ensued, with such sentences as "Ma! Come see what my Ass did!" "Ma, when I finish my shower, can I play with my Ass some more?" "I like my Ass!"
I kept correcting him of course, but I had a serious case of the giggles b/c he kept mispronouncing it. Then he asked me to help him pull up a menu in the game so he could save his progress. I did, and then saw what he had entered as his character's name:
ASSSSSSSSSSS
Ass, the newest Pokemon. Available soon at stores near you.
I don't even want to know what his special powers are.
Even worse, the way to capture the Pokemons is to pick up Poke Balls & throw them at the Pokemons. I can't wait to hear "Ma! My Ass picked up 2 balls!"
The possibilities are endless.
I didn't have court this afternoon, and it was a nice day so I decided to ride my bike back to work after lunch. Because I thought it would be fun...and it was. Apparently it was also....funny?
My daughter called just as I was about to leave work, and asked where I was. Um, at work. Why? I asked. Her husband had stopped by our house to pick up her computer, and couldn't get me to answer the door even though my car was there.
That's b/c duh, I rode my bike back to work after lunch I explained. I thought the child was going to bust a gut laughing. She was laughing so hard she could barely talk. Took me forever to figure out why.
I think she thought I looked like this. Which I didn't. I don't have a cool basket like that on my bike.
Yet.
I love reading the local police reports.
At 8: 16 p. m. Tuesday, Gary Brashera reported that four ninja warriors were seen fighting on the playground at the First Presbyterian Church, 901 N. E. J St.
We have Presbyterian ninjas. Who knew?
Besides our bathroom remodel, not much. Except on the way back from taking WildChild home this afternoon I got a sudden reminder that whoa! I'm driving Mike's car, not mine. Didn't quite make it up on 2 wheels but it had some major body roll going.
Hey, I was just following the road rules for merging onto I-40: Floor it on the entrance ramp, cuz if you wait until you get to the merge lane to accelerate you gonna get your ass run over.
And while I'm on the subject, if you're using your cruise control to stay at a steady 72 mph and decide to pass someone on one of those hills heading north on 540, step on the damn gas and get out of the way. Did you not notice the 15 cars backed up behind you, fool? We don't call it the Bobby Hopper Tunnel & Autobahn for nothing you know.
Geez, you never have a rocket launcher when you need one.
If you're thinking of visiting our neck of the woods, you'll need to study these Rules for Driving in NW Arkansas (which I stupidly forgot to mention I received via e-mail):
If your NW ARK map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If you're in Rogers or Bentonville and your map is one day old, then it is already obsolete.
Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. NW ARK has its own version of traffic rules.
All directions start with "Get on 540" which has no beginning and no end. Everything in NW ARK is "just off 540 or 71B."
The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.
Construction on 540 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.
All unexpected or strange sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Lowell."
If someone actually has a turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.
All old ladies with blue hair in tank cars have the right of way.
PERIOD.
Highway 540 in rush hour is the NWA equivalent of NASCAR. Just shut up and drive like the rest of us.
The minimum acceptable speed on 540 is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.
If it's 90 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend. If it's 10 degrees and snowing, it's homecoming at U of A. If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, and it's a Saturday, it's opening day for garage sales.
If it is fall Bikes, Blues and BBQ is going on everywhere at all times.
All parks, stadiums, arenas, airports, etc., are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.
With these simple rules in mind, you are now ready to drive in NW ARK.
Please try and keep up.
We had a hella hailstorm last night. Check it out. The first round was pea to dime sized; second was just pea sized but wow! Did it pepper down! Tomato plants made it ok, but the zucchini leaves are shredded all to hell.
There were also reports that we got 2-3 inches of rain in 2 hrs, 1 inch of which fell in 17 minutes. Now that's a downpour.
One thing's for sure, I didn't have to worry about Mr. Kitty running out when I opened the door to take the pics. He took one look out, got this terrified WTF? look on his face and ran the other way.
Silly kitty.
Sign inside the school from which WildChild graduated Kindergarten last night:
"Don't judge a book by it's movie"
Sheesh.
